Settle-Shift-Settle

There’s something about this time of year, this year in particular, that feels like change is in the air. Strange, when the days are long and busy and I should feel more settled than ever, but I feel like this is the time where the dust is settling only enough to shift a few feet.

I think I’m ready for some new approaches, some new considerations and directions. I thought my personality had been defining my path, but I realised it was also my old values, the things I thought were important. The values haven’t necessarily changed, but they’ve shifted with the time and the place and the cultural climate that’s presented itself in a new city.

In Australia, it’s desirable to stay in a particular line of work for an extended period of time. It differs from job to job (career to career), but this loyalty demonstrates positive ideologies that will impact on your ability to find your next line of work. In London (maybe England?), after talking with some friends I realise mediocre is deemed adequate. Propagating this attitude, with employers expecting a high turn over, it seems they don’t notice or care how long it is you stay (or for new employers, how long you’ve been in your previous job for).

This realisation (indeed a slow one – it takes a while to truly admit something you believe so fully) has meant that I’m viewing my work choices through a new lens. I’ve spent so long being loyal and true to employers, whether they treat me well or not, that I’m realising I’m sabotaging opportunities I can have to bound off to bigger and better (more applicable) things. This is not to say I don’t respect them, or won’t do my best, it’s acknowledging that going out of the way to do something I don’t like, and missing opportunities to further something that I love just doesn’t make sense.

I had thought I had to pick a life path and stick to it – not matter now wavering the reality. I’m realising that it’s okay, at least for a time, to make life a pick-a-path adventure – don’t like something halfway through? Change tact. Feed your interests, starve your boredom. Foster the good qualities in yourself, but also foster your loves. And if you don’t know what you’re interests are? Change them. Find something to latch onto and go with it – until it becomes something else of you need to shift again.

I realise this may only be able to be a short-term ideal, but it has to be something positive to get me out of this feeling like there’s more that I’m just not seeing. I’ll still be the loyal and trustworthy person, but one who is true to herself, and put’s herself on equal par, if not above, the others in her life. The reality of this is tricky, but I guess in the beginning, it’s the thought to begin all other thoughts…

If not now, than when? If if I’m not looking after myself, then who is?